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thoughts and dreams

i had another dream about Brian last night. I hate it. This means i am still thinking about him in my subconscious and i would like to think i am over him. I can bet he never ever thinks of me. He never loved me. I truly loved him. depressing really, but thats the past.

It's been ok visiting my dad. having my brother David here makes it hard. David's Aspurgers Disorder (it's an autism spectrum disorder)makes it hard for my dad to relate to him. my dad also has no patience with David. I wish David could just snap out of it but it's not like that. I feel bad for David and irritated at my dad and sometimes the other way around.

The icing on the cake is the tension between my dad and brother set off my anxiety. i have been dealing with it well but i can still feel it. I am getting home sick. I miss my life in Wisconsin. i feel like a little kid here.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 21st, 2009 07:29 am (UTC)
I'm sorry you cant certain people out of your head. I feel bad because i mentioned him to you not long ago. Im sorry. I know you really cared for him, and he was too stupid to see it. His loss. you would have never been able to help him, ever. Think about where you would be, if he had ever made any commitment to you! I believe you'd be in a really bad place, and wouldnt be able to get out. Your better now, your with someone who treats you right, knows you very well, and loves you till the ends of the earth! You finally seem happy : )

as for your family. I know how you feel. I constntly feel like a child here, living with my family.
May. 21st, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)
don't feel bad. I am super happy with matty and i know Brian used me and he's a lost cause.
May. 22nd, 2009 10:24 am (UTC)
Your dream probably is very symbolic. What does he symbolize to you? What is your mind trying to tell you? By pushing him out of your conscious mind, your brain is trying to tell you that there are connections that it is making. Try and piece it together. You wouldn't be thinking about him for no reason.

If anything, it might be a simple sake of comparison. Where you were before and how you felt in order to juxtapose it with the present. Sometimes our brains like to remind us of how lucky we should feel that we are not at a prior point in our lives. Or maybe there are things you noticed back then that your brain is just now reviewing and coming to a conclusion about.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )